where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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