You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
