A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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