are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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