would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
