i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
