When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
