I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
