He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
