i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
