I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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