hotel room ftw
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
