somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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