booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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