if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
farters have to be the big spoon...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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