Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
