; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
