haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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