Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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