No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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