you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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