it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
