i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
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How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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