I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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