i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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