How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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