i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
All I want is dick and wine.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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