Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
