So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
