hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
