Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
