You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
