WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
