do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
