So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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