I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
