i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
