These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
