It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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