at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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