i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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