i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Drake has all the answers
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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