hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
