i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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