All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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