dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
well, you know. whores of a feather.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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