I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
