if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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