if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
