Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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