dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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