yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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