I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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