i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
