last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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