I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize