Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Randomize
