I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
