I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
