I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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