i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
