Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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