it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
