i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
how drunk are you?
Several
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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