i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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