my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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