How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
