SEEEEXXX PLEASE
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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