You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
