Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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