I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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