May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
