god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
