It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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