He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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