Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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