My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
