Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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