bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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