I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize