i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
